"I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead;
I lift my lids and all is born again.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)
The stars go waltzing out in blue and red,
And arbitrary blackness gallops in:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.
I dreamed that you bewitched me into bed
And sung me moon-struck, kissed me quite insane.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)
God topples from the sky, hell's fires fade:
Exit seraphim and Satan's men:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.
I fancied you'd return the way you said,
But I grow old and I forget your name.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)
I should have loved a thunderbird instead;
At least when spring comes they roar back again.
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)"
——Sylvia Plath "Mad Girl's Love Song"
大一的时候偶然在图书馆借到了The Bell Jar，当时是因为我读了Sylvia Plath的Lady Lazarus，诗的最后一句:"Out of the ash/I rise with my red hair/And I eat men like air."把我吓到了，我不明白什么样的女子写得出如此愤怒狂放的诗句。
翻开The Bell Jar第一章，我读到了这样的句子：
"It was a queer, sultry summer, the summer they electrocuted the Rosenburgs, and I didn't know what I was doing in New York. I'm stupid about executions. The idea of being electrocuted makes me sick, and that's all there was to read about in the papers-giggled-eyed headlines staring up at me on every street corner and at the fusty, peanut-smelling mouth of every subway. It had nothing to do with me, but I couldn't help wondering what it would be like, being burned alive all along your nerves. I thought it must be the worst thing in the world."
她非常自负，孤傲。坚强的外表下是一颗极度敏感脆弱的灵魂。有人说，她太极端，仅仅因为失败的婚姻而崩溃，无法理解。又或者，仅仅因为一时才思枯竭，就用自杀的方式寻求解脱，亦是不聪明的做法。对这样一个女人来说，她最需要的是什么呢？我个人认为，她最需要的，不单单是爱和创造，而是一种强烈的存在感。爱和创造都只是为了增强这种存在感而已。在她的自传体小说The Bell Jar的结尾处充斥着这样的句子："I am. I am. I am."
